


A Loss For Words

by Chelle_Ampora



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Introspection, Languages and Linguistics, Light Angst, Nightmares, No beta and not proofread, Widojest - Freeform, Zemnian vs Common, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23803618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelle_Ampora/pseuds/Chelle_Ampora
Summary: Caleb Widogast has trouble expressing himself sometimes.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 11
Kudos: 74





	A Loss For Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is just a short little Introspective widojest piece. Liam’s choice to be more direct, more poetic, and speak clearer when Caleb switches to his native tongue is very good, and I wanted to explore that a bit.

Caleb found himself at a loss for words again. The Mighty Nein were enjoying a night of peace at the Xhorhaus, and the lack of immediate threat around them has lightened the group’s collective mood enough for them to goof off, overlapping chatter echoing in the halls of their manor. 

It’s not that Caleb couldn’t keep up with the back and forth banter in Common, quite the opposite. His Keen Mind catches all that is said and files it away, to be recalled at a moment’s notice. Whether it was Beau’s sarcastic grumble or Fjord’s new lilting accent, Caleb followed along with a fond half-smile hidden behind a book, as it so often was. These conversations were the most important to hold onto, Caleb found. 

Jester took advantage of the lull in conversation, and of Caleb’s dreamy far-off look to shoot a jab in her light Nicodranan voice, 

“Did you disguise your smut as a spell book again, Caaaaaaleb,” she trilled, “it looks like a pretty good read!” Jester’s eyebrows bounced, exaggerating the joke, and Caleb felt a blush creeping up his neck at the insinuation. 

“Ja, you caught me.” Caleb deadpanned, a much simpler version of the witty quip to match Jester’s that formed in his mind in Zemnian. Instead of taking the bait, Jester stuck her tongue out at him and rolled her eyes, turning her attention to Veth, who was currently shrieking, “Leave Caleb alone, he can do what he wants!”

It wasn’t the first time something like this has happened to him, Caleb mused as the night wound down and he wandered back to his room. Between mental breakdowns and mortal danger, it never spent took long at the forefront of his mind. He was plenty smart, an arcane prodigy with the will and ambition to grow stronger yet, but every now and then, Caleb found himself lacking the breadth of vocabulary in Common. 

‘If we were speaking Zemnian, I would have been able to answer her back,’ Caleb reflected as his mind drifted, methodically transferring the day’s events into his journal. ‘I would have made her laugh...’ he thought, before pressing his quill too hard into the page and splattering ink on the half empty page. 

“Gottverdammt!” Caleb cursed aloud, attention pulled from that particular line of thinking. He cleaned up the mess and salvaged what little ink he could before finishing up and going to bed. 

When he slept, Caleb dreamt of trying to conjure a bouquet of cupcakes for Jester, in every color in the rainbow, but as he tried to cast the spell, his tongue knotted in his mouth. The more he tried, the worse it got, until Jester sighed and walked away, tired of waiting. 

The dream left Caleb feeling groggy and anxious. He stumbled out of bed, thinking of the perfect, succinct word in Zemnian to sum up how he was feeling, and shook his head as he got ready for the day. 

When he emerged from his room, most of the group were milling about in the kitchen, making loose plans for the day. Silently acknowledging his friends with a nod, Caleb drifted up against a wall to wait and see where the group decides to go. With the state that his head is in, Caleb’s hand is already going for his book holster, hoping to distract himself until a decision is made. 

“What about you, Caleb? Did you have anything you needed to do today?” Jester asks, causing Caleb to fumble and almost drop his book. 

“Oh, ah... no, I do not think so.” Caleb replied, filler words feeling like coals in his mouth. Jester always chose the moment that Caleb was the most preoccupied to rope him into the conversation; it always took him a moment to switch mental gears and answer in Common. 

“Hmmm... okayokayokay.” Jester said, noticing Caleb’s pale face and slightly shaking hands. She gave him a quick look, her violet eyes going soft and understanding before rounding on the group again. He cursed mentally, not wanting Jester to worry on his behalf. 

Caleb was fine. He was fine not being as verbose as he knew he could be. He was fine with a Jester not knowing his deeply he felt for her. He was fine. 

Another word floated to his mind, an old fashioned Zemnian word that was only used in the most ancient of texts. A word that encompassed the dissatisfying weight of carrying an unrequited love in your heart. Caleb sighed, and kept that, too, locked in his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t speak German, and I don’t actually know if they have a word for either of the feelings that Caleb described. Oh well! This is the first piece of fanfic I’ve written in years, so I apologize if it’s a bit rough around the edges! Comments and kudos are very welcome. Thanks for reading!


End file.
